December 2010
1 post
What's with anal?
A reader submitted this question:
Can some one explain the fascination with anal? Why do men want to put their most favored extremity into the darkest unknowns of our buttles?
We thought thar was oil in them hills.
Dear Reader,
Oh God, a sex question. These make me uncomfortable, but I’ll do my best.
Listen, you must understand that men will and have tried to stick our erections...
November 2010
3 posts
Guys like when ladies stalk them, right? RIGHT??
Question submitted by dailybez
Fact: Men like attention.
Caveat: It depends what the stalker looks like and how much stalking he/she is doing.
As a general rule, the hotter you are, the more attention a man is willing to receive. And vice-versa. That is, I would like to be stalked by that chick from Harry Potter, but I would not want to be stalked by Joan Rivers.
The often overlooked...
megustajuan asked: You are a genius and i love your blog!
1 tag
The Return of Men
We are back after what seems like a four month hiatus. We’ve been traveling traveling across Asia exploring the limits of our sexual prowess, urban legends and partaking in drugged chocolates from Indonesian transvestites. It is wonderful to be back. We know you have a lot of unanswered questions so let’s get started.
July 2010
2 posts
Many women don’t have their most intense orgasms...
Question submitted by blanddiva11:
Paraphilic infantilism is a biomedical term used to describe a condition wherein one gets sexually aroused by wearing diapers, and/or being taken care of.
Now, there’s been little scientific research done on this condition, but I think that as weird as it sounds, it’s understandable.
People like being taken care of. Especially men.
Here’s...
This is how big my dick is. Is this large for a...
Question submitted by wellthatsjustgreat.
Yes.
April 2010
2 posts
What are your thoughts on the whole “staying...
Sure, if the relationship had no passion and the sex was terrible, then fine. Have your bland thing go on as a sexless friendship. But if the relationship had any fire in it at all, it should be almost impossible to even see each other afterwards. So why would you put yourself through that?
Unless by friendship you mean ‘catch up with each other once every few months for a drunken fumble in...
My girlfriend has had several sexual partners in...
Dear benstillerfaggot69,
I think you’re frustrated that your girlfriend was a bit “loose” in the past, and now her vagina is as big as a clown car.
If it’s any consolation, you’re not alone. I mean, the dude before you was probably tired of having to fake an orgasm, and the dude that’ll bone her after you will likely harbor the same frustrations of fucking the...
March 2010
1 post
Someone with experience with threesomes, what are...
Question submitted by sandram:
Well Sandra, if that is in fact your real name, I’m glad you asked. But first, let me ask you a question. Would you call yourself open-minded? Do you like to experience new things? Ever take MDMA and get into a hot-tub just for shits and giggles? Me neither. Me neither. That would be crazy and illegal and seriously we’re in a drought and hot tubs are a...
February 2010
1 post
crusty asked: What do women think about giving head to someone still sporting his foreskin?
January 2010
9 posts
Tits and ass are great, but how hard can it be to...
Question submitted by portraitofamind
Whenever I go to the university library, I bring a bunch of textbooks with me, open them up, and make a pseudo-fort around me.
I do this because I have low self-esteem, and I imagine that other people are admiring me from afar.
“He’s the sort of intellectual I would like to have intercourse with,” the cute Asian girl seems to say to her...
When does sitting in your underwear jacking off...
Here’s a list of lame things:
1. Turducken. It’s not only lame, and horrible tasting, it’s stupid.
Why not stick a live tarantula in there as well? You’d remember that fucking Thanksgiving, Charlie Brown.
2. Every James Bond video game after Goldeneye. Before Goldeneye, I went to arcades, gave dollar bills to creepy old dudes who’s dreams died long ago, got some...
incaseofzombies-deactivated2010 asked: What do you feel is a solution to the problem of the absence of innate “manliness” in our present generation?
You've got questions.
We’ve got answers.
Think you can stump us?
Go to our ask page and try, or just ask a question under this post.
What would you like to know?
How can I make my man give me way more orgasms?
Question submitted by lilykily.
Dear lilykily,
This is how I read your question:
“I think my boyfriend is a dumpy little turd, but I still want him to bang me like a pornstar.”
Here’s the thing.
People’s feelings come out, whether you like it or not, in body language.
Let’s say I think that you are a morbidly obese Asian with Down’s Syndrome.
When you...
redtothetone-deactivated2010012 asked: i'm trying to get to 1000+ followers like you guys. i have big boobs and a big ass...which should i highlight more in my avatar?
What do men really want for christmas? And don't...
The biggest problem with England’s Football Association is that they have completely failed to institute a system that enriches ALL twenty teams who participate in the Premiership, not just the big four of Arsenal, Manchester United, Chelsea, and Liverpool, who also happen to be the teams that splash the most cash. Even though Liverpool have botched it and might finish out of the money this...
Ask us stuff, because we get off on it.
http://themenguide.us/ask
What’s the best way to tell a guy how to hit the...
Question submitted by blanddiva11 You should try ancient Greek. Most men will respond as well to that as hand gestures, pie charts or even English. The root of this dilemma lies in how Men don’t perceive their role to involve listening. It’s not in our genetic repertoire. We talk, we advise and we decide. We rarely listen. Don’t get me wrong, we gather words and in many cases we...
November 2009
9 posts
Why do guys cum in girls, and then make jokes...
Question submitted by sablerichard
It seems like you’ve asked a question that, at its core, is: “Why are men mean to women when we do such nice things for them?” The lesser known corollary to that, however, is the inverse of that question, which is: “why are women so mean to men when we do such nice things for them”
You might be chuckling at your monitor in contempt, with your...
Why are men too afraid to take the next step In a...
readthis Asked this Question
I love questions that I can answer with a question. Mine is this: “Why won’t women chill the fuck out?”
Your pal,
indefensible!
Is deep throating a must?
Question submitted by megantea:
Infants are biologically wired to whine to get their mother’s attention. They do this by saying things like “mommy mommy watch me dive watch me dive did you see me dive mommy mommy.” They need some way to quantify their self-worth, and their mother’s attention and care gives them a sense of purpose.
As we grow older we enter the schooling...
So...
What would you like to know?
Is it better to have faith in society, or just...
Question from ljarvz:
I hate to go all Philosophy 101 on you, but that’s a false dichotomy. Not only that, the entire statement absolves you of responsibility.
Here’s how to look at life:
Hope for the best. Plan for the worst. Realise that neither the best nor the worst will happen — but put all of your efforts into making the world a better place.
What does that mean in...
Do men like sluts as wives? ...
Question submitted by lunaticdreams:
When looking for a prospective vagina-for-life, a male has three options.
Mrs. Conservative Missionary:
These women are characterized by a lack of enthusiasm in the sex department, as evidenced by their almost non-existent libido. Also known as the “eighth-grader dilemma.” Words that come to mind are ‘dead fish’, and...
What is the best weapon to carry to deal with...
Question submitted by callmebez:
Hold your horses, young lady. There are some options to consider before arming yourself.
First, what does Pierre (the name I give all homeless men) yell at you, exactly? Is it something like, “Lo, how many gentle fellows hath ridden in milady’s love ring the fortnight last?”
If it is, then this educated scamp may have once been a gynecologist....
The guy I’m dating picked some WoW thing with his...
Submitted by: rascoagogo
The Answer
First off I have to say, WOW!
I know video games have become popular with men, but some definitely take it too far. This is one of those cases. If your man would rather play a video game than get a blow job, you MUST dump his ass. Dump him for you and for men everywhere who are given a bad name because of asshats like this. This man, or shall I say ‘boy’...
Why is it that a good number of other men don’t...
Question submitted by mondosmusicbox:
First off, you have a false assumption that men don’t appreciate it when a woman is wearing a new bra/panties.
You’re wrong.
I’d be hard-pressed to find a man that isn’t profoundly retarded who ignores his girlfriend coming home with a corset and a garter belt. Any man’s trousers would be around their ankles faster than you...
October 2009
37 posts
1 tag
Why don’t some guys know how to take a sign?
Why don’t some guys know how to take a sign? I’ve been ignoring a couple of guys for weeks, and they don’t seem to get the message. - Submitted by kllgmm I think you’ve answered your own question. Let me to explain by presenting you with three analogous scenarios to your current situation. My wall needs to be painted, and I’ve been sitting here not painting it for weeks and...
Blonde or brunette?
Question submitted by quitecheeky.
Ignoring for a moment that this timeless question is itself a false dichotomy (redheads, anyone?), I must point out the obvious: the answer is less than definitive and impossibly subjective.
Having said that, let’s now tread into the sticky marshlands of the stereotype.
Ever since the Greek philosopher Follicles coined the phrase “blondes have more fun”...
Extra! Extra! Read all about it!
Dear Esteemed Reader,
The Men Guide is happy to add Mr. Tony Delgrosso to our site.
While you’re obsessively refreshing our homepage looking for a new article, why don’t you check out some of our recent posts, like:
Why do guys fuck anything that moves?
Why does my boyfriend’s dick go limp when we bang?
Why don’t I get hit on?
What are our thoughts on open...
So...
What would you like to know?
2 tags
Out of the Woodwork
My boyfriend and I broke up on Thursday afternoon. This morning (four days later) my ex-boyfriend came knocking on my door looking to hook up. How did he know I was newly single again? Do you men have some kind of Bat Signal or Spidey Sense?!? - Submitted by yobigmel I’m going to clue you in on a little secret regarding a relatively unknown part of the male anatomy. Deep within the scrotum...
Why’s the man on the sitcom always so f-ing fat...
Question submitted by molokovellocet: The American multi-camera situational comedy is a respected and venerated part of our culture. From The Honeymooners and I Love Lucy, to Cheers and Seinfeld, sitcoms have provided millions of viewers with - oh for fuck’s sake, I sound like a Discovery Channel commercial.
Look, what you need to understand is that all of the great sitcoms are produced...
I have theory that any ugly girl can get laid by...
Question from Myrm.
Sister, you got the wrong guy to be answering this question because I have turned down reasonably attractive women just for wearing bad shoes, having a Motorola Rockr or being named Geoffrey. But l’ll take a crack at your theory anyway because there is very little on television tonight apart from some show where the dog is a policeman or something. Maybe the policeman is...
Why am I so scared about being in a commited...
Question submitted by whentheboughbreaks:
The worst thing about having terrorists ruling North America is that they would probably put me in the same bunker as my parents. Now, besides for the inevitable nudity, I know that the worst part of being in the same bunker as them would be that they’ll resort to the same parenting techniques that have made me so bitter.
“I knew this was...
Why are women smarter than men?
Question submitted by yayaa
Because they ask questions based on false assumptions, whereas men do not.
— Moe
Where do you get off?
Submitted by smartasshat
An interesting question, my friend.
First of all, I’ll tell you where I do NOT get off.
The shower. I don’t know who came up with that idea, but it is probably the worst possible place to release your kiddies. Male ejaculate + water = glue. The stuff does not wash down the drain, does not come off of your skin, gets everywhere, it’s terrible. I like to...
How come I never get hit on?
Question submitted by eoporto
This afternoon I received an email with a detailed list of all the available horny teens in my neighborhood which I deleted without even reading. Curious, I opened an email titled “Having a hard time at university?” and was presented with a pretty young Asian with a footlong dildo thrust in her ass.
I rolled my eyes, and read an email from my uncle.
...
What’s up with a guy who is on a 2nd or 3rd date...
Question by ohtheplaceswego.
He’s ill-mannered. If you fuck him, you’re rewarding that kind of behaviour.
It’s really that simple. Don’t try to read deeper meaning into it, because even if there is a deeper reason (say his mum never hugged him enough, or he recently read The Game and is attempting to display social capital, or he wants to have an open relationship) it...
When to tweet about our love life?
- I know its rude to pull out my iphone during love making, but I like to keep everybody informed.
Question submitted by @beejless
Your desire to keep the world informed about the particulars of your sexual goings on just shows me, and everyone else, that you are a selfless, compassionate and big hearted bastard. We need more people like you.
There is a fine balance that dictates what is...
What are your thoughts on Open Relationships?
Question submitted by Carlovely.
Seriously? I let the guys at this august publication know that I’m interested in writing a few things for them, and THIS is the first question they throw at me?
First of all, let me tell you this – I don’t really care what people do as long as they’re all consenting adults and also that they’re not furries. As far as I’m concerned, furries are pretty much fair...
So...
What would you like to know?
My vagina is beginning to hate me.
Why is my boyfriend’s penis afraid of my vagina? His junk falls limp upon contact EVERY TIME. - Question submitted by moonlight-survived
I appreciate your openness in asking this delicate question. I will do my best to help you work out this terrible problem.
Does this happen with every high priest that enters the holiest of holies, or is it just your boyfriend? If it’s all of them,...
Do men really love ALL boobs?
Short answer? Yes. From the firm, pert titty to the soft, heavy funbag to the itty bitty puffy nippled titty to the oft villified flapjack, all boobs are deserving of love, respect, and yes, awareness. Not only do they serve as aesthetic works of art, but titties are directly responsible for our well being and viability as human beings. They were our first meal, they inspire us to build and...
How do you know when the guy is just with you for...
Question submitted by parentingonmyown:
I’m no romantic. I don’t buy flowers, I don’t bake cookies, and I’m not a shout-on-top-of-a-building-how-much-I-love-you sort of guy. Quite the contrary. I wonder if the stereotype of all men being gentlemen is giving the wrong impression. In a sense, I’m relieved that women are beginning to be more accepting of the boyfriend...
How much is too much to pay for a “professional”?
Submitted by rolandfox
First things first.
Thank you for bringing this issue to light. In these tough times, the question of how to sling the slime without breaking the bank is certainly an important one. Bless your heart. Now, to the meat of this back alley sex sandwich. There are several factors to consider when deciding how much is a fair price to pay for sex, but the one we will concentrate...
Ladies and Gentlemen, allow me to introduce:
A new guest writer of ours, Dr. Badhands. He is well versed in the area of being a man and will be contributing every so often to this informational rollercoaster we like to call The Men Guide. That is all.
Enjoy.
1 tag
Sometimes I think my boner is ugly, and would like...
Submitted by Plaid Lemur
Bro. I feel for you. Here’s the real problem: You gotta stop watching porn. I guarantee that you’re seeing these porn star pieces and thinking “Damn, why can’t mine be that thick, that veiny, that pipebomesque, that majestic, that long…”
Stop.
Stop thinking of it that way. Start thinking about real life. They may not tell you tell you...
2 tags
Is it weird for a guy to want to bang a girl in...
Question submitted by Sandra (Moe’s girlfriend)
Sandra. I’m glad you asked this very sensitive question. I happen to be an expert in this area, so allow me to explain what goes through a man’s mind when he asks to put his man pipe in your love channel.
Breasts are beautiful things. They are the most readily available part of the female anatomy that can be scoped out at any...