October 2009
37 posts
1 tag
Why don’t some guys know how to take a sign?
Why don’t some guys know how to take a sign? I’ve been ignoring a couple of guys for weeks, and they don’t seem to get the message. - Submitted by kllgmm I think you’ve answered your own question. Let me to explain by presenting you with three analogous scenarios to your current situation. My wall needs to be painted, and I’ve been sitting here not painting it for weeks and...
Blonde or brunette?
Question submitted by quitecheeky.
Ignoring for a moment that this timeless question is itself a false dichotomy (redheads, anyone?), I must point out the obvious: the answer is less than definitive and impossibly subjective.
Having said that, let’s now tread into the sticky marshlands of the stereotype.
Ever since the Greek philosopher Follicles coined the phrase “blondes have more fun”...
Extra! Extra! Read all about it!
Dear Esteemed Reader,
The Men Guide is happy to add Mr. Tony Delgrosso to our site.
While you’re obsessively refreshing our homepage looking for a new article, why don’t you check out some of our recent posts, like:
Why do guys fuck anything that moves?
Why does my boyfriend’s dick go limp when we bang?
Why don’t I get hit on?
What are our thoughts on open...
So...
What would you like to know?
2 tags
Out of the Woodwork
My boyfriend and I broke up on Thursday afternoon. This morning (four days later) my ex-boyfriend came knocking on my door looking to hook up. How did he know I was newly single again? Do you men have some kind of Bat Signal or Spidey Sense?!? - Submitted by yobigmel I’m going to clue you in on a little secret regarding a relatively unknown part of the male anatomy. Deep within the scrotum...
Why’s the man on the sitcom always so f-ing fat...
Question submitted by molokovellocet: The American multi-camera situational comedy is a respected and venerated part of our culture. From The Honeymooners and I Love Lucy, to Cheers and Seinfeld, sitcoms have provided millions of viewers with - oh for fuck’s sake, I sound like a Discovery Channel commercial.
Look, what you need to understand is that all of the great sitcoms are produced...
I have theory that any ugly girl can get laid by...
Question from Myrm.
Sister, you got the wrong guy to be answering this question because I have turned down reasonably attractive women just for wearing bad shoes, having a Motorola Rockr or being named Geoffrey. But l’ll take a crack at your theory anyway because there is very little on television tonight apart from some show where the dog is a policeman or something. Maybe the policeman is...
Why am I so scared about being in a commited...
Question submitted by whentheboughbreaks:
The worst thing about having terrorists ruling North America is that they would probably put me in the same bunker as my parents. Now, besides for the inevitable nudity, I know that the worst part of being in the same bunker as them would be that they’ll resort to the same parenting techniques that have made me so bitter.
“I knew this was...
Why are women smarter than men?
Question submitted by yayaa
Because they ask questions based on false assumptions, whereas men do not.
— Moe
Where do you get off?
Submitted by smartasshat
An interesting question, my friend.
First of all, I’ll tell you where I do NOT get off.
The shower. I don’t know who came up with that idea, but it is probably the worst possible place to release your kiddies. Male ejaculate + water = glue. The stuff does not wash down the drain, does not come off of your skin, gets everywhere, it’s terrible. I like to...
How come I never get hit on?
Question submitted by eoporto
This afternoon I received an email with a detailed list of all the available horny teens in my neighborhood which I deleted without even reading. Curious, I opened an email titled “Having a hard time at university?” and was presented with a pretty young Asian with a footlong dildo thrust in her ass.
I rolled my eyes, and read an email from my uncle.
...
What’s up with a guy who is on a 2nd or 3rd date...
Question by ohtheplaceswego.
He’s ill-mannered. If you fuck him, you’re rewarding that kind of behaviour.
It’s really that simple. Don’t try to read deeper meaning into it, because even if there is a deeper reason (say his mum never hugged him enough, or he recently read The Game and is attempting to display social capital, or he wants to have an open relationship) it...
When to tweet about our love life?
- I know its rude to pull out my iphone during love making, but I like to keep everybody informed.
Question submitted by @beejless
Your desire to keep the world informed about the particulars of your sexual goings on just shows me, and everyone else, that you are a selfless, compassionate and big hearted bastard. We need more people like you.
There is a fine balance that dictates what is...
What are your thoughts on Open Relationships?
Question submitted by Carlovely.
Seriously? I let the guys at this august publication know that I’m interested in writing a few things for them, and THIS is the first question they throw at me?
First of all, let me tell you this – I don’t really care what people do as long as they’re all consenting adults and also that they’re not furries. As far as I’m concerned, furries are pretty much fair...
So...
What would you like to know?
My vagina is beginning to hate me.
Why is my boyfriend’s penis afraid of my vagina? His junk falls limp upon contact EVERY TIME. - Question submitted by moonlight-survived
I appreciate your openness in asking this delicate question. I will do my best to help you work out this terrible problem.
Does this happen with every high priest that enters the holiest of holies, or is it just your boyfriend? If it’s all of them,...
Do men really love ALL boobs?
Short answer? Yes. From the firm, pert titty to the soft, heavy funbag to the itty bitty puffy nippled titty to the oft villified flapjack, all boobs are deserving of love, respect, and yes, awareness. Not only do they serve as aesthetic works of art, but titties are directly responsible for our well being and viability as human beings. They were our first meal, they inspire us to build and...
How do you know when the guy is just with you for...
Question submitted by parentingonmyown:
I’m no romantic. I don’t buy flowers, I don’t bake cookies, and I’m not a shout-on-top-of-a-building-how-much-I-love-you sort of guy. Quite the contrary. I wonder if the stereotype of all men being gentlemen is giving the wrong impression. In a sense, I’m relieved that women are beginning to be more accepting of the boyfriend...
How much is too much to pay for a “professional”?
Submitted by rolandfox
First things first.
Thank you for bringing this issue to light. In these tough times, the question of how to sling the slime without breaking the bank is certainly an important one. Bless your heart. Now, to the meat of this back alley sex sandwich. There are several factors to consider when deciding how much is a fair price to pay for sex, but the one we will concentrate...
Ladies and Gentlemen, allow me to introduce:
A new guest writer of ours, Dr. Badhands. He is well versed in the area of being a man and will be contributing every so often to this informational rollercoaster we like to call The Men Guide. That is all.
Enjoy.
1 tag
Sometimes I think my boner is ugly, and would like...
Submitted by Plaid Lemur
Bro. I feel for you. Here’s the real problem: You gotta stop watching porn. I guarantee that you’re seeing these porn star pieces and thinking “Damn, why can’t mine be that thick, that veiny, that pipebomesque, that majestic, that long…”
Stop.
Stop thinking of it that way. Start thinking about real life. They may not tell you tell you...
2 tags
Is it weird for a guy to want to bang a girl in...
Question submitted by Sandra (Moe’s girlfriend)
Sandra. I’m glad you asked this very sensitive question. I happen to be an expert in this area, so allow me to explain what goes through a man’s mind when he asks to put his man pipe in your love channel.
Breasts are beautiful things. They are the most readily available part of the female anatomy that can be scoped out at any...
1 tag
How long should you wait before pooping at your...
Question submitted by Ben
The answer to this very important question is quite simple: You should not. Should not wait, that is. Do it first chance you get. But only if you know it will be worth it. You know what I mean. One that makes you yell a little bit, makes the house smell like the neighbor’s septic overflowed. This is a very important test of your relationship’s durability, and...
1 tag
I’m a busy guy. What are some easy exercises I can...
Question submitted by Jala
Dear Jala,
I’m not gonna give you any advice on how to get six-pack abs.
I’m just going to hand down some life lessons and hope you get the point.
When confronted with a goal, you have three options.
Reach the goal, lower the goal, or, fuck the goal.
Let’s look at these situations individually.
Option 1: Reaching the goal.
Overrated.
People...
1 tag
How pregnant is TOO pregnant?
barelysarcasm asked: How pregnant is TOO pregnant?
I shouldn’t be here.
This is inappropriate for any man to watch.
The girl in front of me in line says to the barista “can i get a skinny no-foam latte?”
The barista takes the girl’s money with a smile and says “sure, it’ll be ready in a moment over there by the counter.”
Three minutes later the...
1 tag
If I accept your “Terms of Submission,” does this...
Submitted By: Blobert
No, No, No, silly.
That simply gives us permission to come to your house and re-enact scenes from “Eyes Wide Shut” with your girlfriend or wife, in front of you.
Hope this eases your mind.
-Pappalardo
New Contributer!
Joining The Men Guide today, is Mr. Ben Marvin!
Let’s show him a warm welcome.
1 tag
What do I have to do to get laid?? I’ve taken very...
Submitted by: letstacoboutit
First off I noticed you say “very good looking girls”, which is great, but if you’re not a ‘very good looking guy” that could be your problem right there. So we need to be realistic about the girls we are expecting to sleep with us. If you are not very good looking don’t fret, you can still bed a very good looking girl, but it will...
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2 tags
As a healthy and desirable young fellow, what is...
Submitted by ryandoescomedy
A very good question. Allow me to clear the air on this important subject.
First, I’m going to take your word that you are not only healthy, but also desirable… Young, probably. Let’s look first at the nature of this “first date.”
Are you doing something classic like taking her to a drive-in movie and then throwing her in the back seat...
1 tag
I know this is the MEN GUIDE but I figured you...
Question asked by Yayaa
Girl meets Girl. Girl sees that Girl is very pretty. Girl also sees Girl and sees that she also is very pretty. They fall instantly in love. But there are so many questions running through Girl’s mind. What will she be like in 30 years? Will she still wear those heels? Will she ever take off those heels in the next 30 years? Maybe she has a thing. A weird...
1 tag
Girl here. I want to know what your guys’ ‘type’...
Question submitted by Crackity
Hey there, Crackity. Thanks for submitting your question to The Men Guide.
I think the best way to approach your question would be to deconstruct it, thereby allowing you to glimpse into the inner workings of the male mind.
From the get-go, I know you’re not my “type”.
Starting a question with “girl here”?
Jeez, feminist much?
Why...
2 tags
My boyfriend is a big fan of the ass. I don't mind...
Question asked by N.
Well, N.
Since your name is N, I can only assume that it stands for Nipple, which means you obviously are very proud of your breasts. This explains why you “don’t mind” anal sex, but get sketched when the digits get to a-probing.
First, we must address your boyfriend. Why is he such a big fan of the ass? Is it your ass, or just the ass in general that he...
1 tag
My better half for the last year is in Denmark for...
Question asked by J Hermann.
Dear, J.
Here at The Men Guide we pride ourselves on being able to solve all of man’s most troubling situations. You’re in good hands, J.
You see, J, your “better half” is cheating on you.
Allow me to explain Women’s Mentality 101.
If you refer to your girlfriend/wife as any of the following terms, they will think you’re a pussy...
1 tag
I seem to be unable to have an orgasm from a blow...
as questioned by the virile cocksman, machpe.
The Blow Job.
…once believed to be a myth, up until its discovery by the Romans on long war campaigns, it is now not only known to be a god-given truth, but also by many an alias.
such as:
Fellatio, BJ, Head, Going Down, Gettin’ Dome, Hummer, Brain, Chrome-ing, Suck-Off, A Blowie, Deep Throating, Choking, Darius Rucker, to name a few.
...
1 tag
When a woman says, “no”, does she really mean “no”...
Question submitted by David.
Good question, David.
Throughout mankind’s long history, we’ve wondered what the true meaning behind a woman’s “no” is.
At www.themenguide.us we’re prepared to give you an answer.
You see, David, it’s all in the delivery.
Not yours, hers. It’s all in the way she says “no”.
For example:
You’re at a...
So...
What do you want to know?