I seem to be unable to have an orgasm from a blow job, and my girlfriend wants to give up. How do i convince her to keep going?
as questioned by the virile cocksman, machpe.
The Blow Job.
…once believed to be a myth, up until its discovery by the Romans on long war campaigns, it is now not only known to be a god-given truth, but also by many an alias.
such as:
Fellatio, BJ, Head, Going Down, Gettin’ Dome, Hummer, Brain, Chrome-ing, Suck-Off, A Blowie, Deep Throating, Choking, Darius Rucker, to name a few.
call it what you may… this simple, beautiful act remains the quintessential sexual desire of every man (except Scientologist and Lance Bass.).
first off, my good man, allow all of us here at The Men Guide to offer up our highest congratulations to you. For by the very nature of your query, we understand that you have taken a partner to whom finds delight in the suckling of your pistol. HOORAY!
NOW.
…on to solving this little (no offense) predicament.
first, i am going to take into account that both of you are healthy, young, spry, and active individuals that very much enjoy a romp from time to time. Also, i will speculate that the traditional coital “hiding of the pickle” tends to make the “sturdy sailor” “sea sick” to a pleasurable release upon her starboard bow, or possibly her mast (if she gets down like that).
so… why in her pink, but not in her cheek?!?!?!
1. How long is she trying to polish your flagpole?
from all you have said, she sounds like a lovely gal.
so i am MORE THAN certain she tries for at least the nationally recognized minimum of 2 hours.
if not, why not?!
…the problem may be solved that quickly.
2. Does she understand how awesome Blow Jobs feel?
you may personally try showing on HER penis not only how amazing it feels, but possibly some techniques your friends like for you to do for THEM!
(this is nice too, should you ever be out of reach when a buddy needs a little Beej… you’re lady friend will be there to give them a helpful hand! errr mouth!)
THAT’S TEAMWORK!
3. Sometimes, IT’S ALLLLL MENTAL.
it may not be (but probably is) her lack of effort at all, you may just need to harness that big manly brain of yours to getting locked into this special moment.
you know, so much of climaxing to oral sex is mental, and a key part of making that explosion take someone’s voicebox out is all in your “thinkin’ sponge.”
so sit back, relax, close your eyes and maybe try some of these fantasies on for size:
-boating.
-dancing to the entire original score of Cats at a 50th Anniversary of your grandparents wedding ceremony.
-baseball (believe it or not, if you are realllllly into it, IT WORKS!)
-weedeaters
-live baby goats being jockey’d by chimpanzees
-fast cars
-my mother
-your mother
-church camp
-funerals
…so there is a nice starter list to hopefully get your sub-conscience batter blaster going!
god knows it did ours, here at MG HQ.
*lights a cigarette*
4. LAST RESORTS.
if you have gone down our list of guaranteed ways to “pop a nut to fill her gut” and you still find yourself back at square one, we are left only withone option.
the last resort.
and my friend…THAT is the absolute. no questions asked. perfect technique to clear out both chambers from an amazing blow job.
sooooooo, the last resort is…
oh, wait, what? oh, yeesh, hold on. huh? oh. the form before i can give that info? ok. ok. NO, OK I GOT IT. FINE.
apparently, my dear friend, our in-house attorney has just brought to my attention that the last resort technique about to be described, cannot be, until both you and the old lady complete our health questionnaire, as well as, email us a note from your respective doctors coupled with proof you are both organ donors.
sorry.
safety first.
until then, try steps 1-3, and if it STILL doesn’t work…
sorry pal.
you’re probably gay.
CHEERS!
