What do men really want for christmas? And don't take the easy way out and just say sex. Really, what do they want?
The biggest problem with England’s Football Association is that they have completely failed to institute a system that enriches ALL twenty teams who participate in the Premiership, not just the big four of Arsenal, Manchester United, Chelsea, and Liverpool, who also happen to be the teams that splash the most cash. Even though Liverpool have botched it and might finish out of the money this season, everyone knows that most of the time, these are the four teams competing for the prize and the rest are fighting for table scraps. It’s a disheartening, greedy sham.
Instead of lifting their skirts to squeeze the last yuan out of every asthmatic Chinese factory worker with a logic-defying, schedule- mangling 39th game, played somewhere in the mysterious East, why not institute a playoff system? One through eight, the team with more points get home-field advantage. Single game, extra-time, penalties.
If it’s good enough to decide the World Cup, the Euros, and the Champions League, it’s good enough for you. Let everyone participate in the possibility of becoming a champion, and you can ride those dreams to the bank.
Now mid-table teams have something to play for late in the season, instead of pretending to care about a spot in the useless Europa- Nutella Cup or whatever the fuck it’s called. Now managers won’t get sacked five games into the season because their key players are injured, or just acting like pouty hairdressers because they’ve been asked to tackle or shoot properly once in a while. Managers will have a chance to implement their vision, as Darth Vader might say. And what’s this bullshit that a manager can leave for a club with bigger tits whenever he feels like it? Sign a CONTRACT, FINISH the job, ACT LIKE MEN, for God’s sake.
American baseball was dead in the water in the late 80’s until they added the wild card. Now, the season wasn’t over for the other twenty- six teams come July with two months yet to go. They had something to play for. And networks paid more money to get these additional post- season matches on the air. The fans got excited again. And excited fans spend MONEY, you thoughtless FA twats.
I’m sorry, your question. Uh, a Ducati SportClassic GT 1000 motorcycle, a Ruger Super Blackhawk Single-Action Revolver, and uh, a lightsaber. Yes I know it’s past Christmas, but it will be here again soon enough, so you might as well start saving up now because all that shit is expensive.
I remain,
